• ashirk@gmail.com
  • Kijabe, Kenya
family
Need. . .

Need. . .

Four  months from now we’re moving to another continent. . .

Our house has been on the market almost 2 months now, and my day is filled with to-do lists about insurance and  licenses and packing and house projects. I am trying not to worry  – not about logistics and details and what-ifs, as I am prone to do. Those things will work themselves out.

I worry about leaving well. I worry about securing bridges that span an ocean – about trying to express to my friends how much they mean to me and that I need them. And I feel I am failing daily.

I am struggling – struggling to be real, to be selfless, to reach out instead of retreat into myself. Leaving involves seeing my fallibility – the dichotomy of my desire to be a perfect friend and my inability give and receive generously in every direction. I struggle to not meet offers for help with the  inaccurate rebuff that we have it under control.

Admitting need is not something I do easily. I’m more the  – “help is great, and I appreciate it, but I would like to continue to spin these 17 plates at once and prove I can do it while trying to help you spin your plates too” kind of person. But these days, every moment has a way of pointing out  the impossibility in this. . .

Every day is a step in the direction  of me admitting that this move is really hard – that dismantling one life to build another risks watching everything crumble around my beautiful family.  Deep down, I know that nothing will crumble – that God is building our story and our bridges and our safety net with deftness and perfection. But some days, I know that with more clarity than others.

So, thank you for walking with us, and thank you for  having patience with me. Continue to laugh with us at the dichotomy each day brings. . oh, and hugs, lots of hugs. I need them.

-ari

1 thought on “Need. . .

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *